*** Note this was written in February 2019 as a discussion post for a Life University course called The Art of Self-Care. I figured I may as well share this on a public platform because what good are the writing/thoughts if I just keep them to myself?
My focus in this discussion post is based off the Youtube video titled Conversations on Compassion with Thich Nhat Hanh (CCARE at Stanford University, 2013). Nhat Hanh is a zen master that is dedicated to developing himself and cultivating compassion. The segment was lengthy and focused on topics such as when he first became a monk. He emphasizes that he was motivated to turn into the person he is today because he wants to solve problems and reduce suffering in the world. Mindfulness ultimately increases happiness and well-being, and self-compassion is necessary for an individual to grow.
An important message that he stated was, “If you don’t know how to handle the suffering inside of you, you cannot help another person to suffer less” (CCARE at Stanford University, 2013, 9:00 mark). Though it is a simple idea, it rings true and can be correlated to many aspects of life. If someone has not forgiven themselves for something in particular, it would be difficult for that person to truly forgive another person. If someone doesn’t love herself, how do you love another person? A person cannot effectively give back to his/her community unless that person is well off themselves, not financially necessarily, but mentally.
Many times in life people are overly focused on other people before first focusing on themselves. And it doesn’t matter really if the focus is positive or negative; it will not be as productive as possible if that person first did not master their own mind. Even if a loving individual wants to give back to future generations through teaching, the teaching will not be effective if the person first does not learn and self-develop intellectually. This idea is directly tied to Nhat Hanh’s quote. People can not help another person to suffer less without reducing his/her own suffering. A person can not pour from an empty cup. The message is to essentially focus on your self-care, prior to or simultaneously caring for others.
A wise statement that Nhat Hanh made was that there is a correlation between suffering and happiness; he stated, “There is a deep connection between suffering and happiness … If you have the time to listen to your own suffering, to look deeply into the nature of your own suffering, understanding you will rise … when understanding arises, compassion is born” (16:15 mark). This reminds me of a David Goggins interview I continually go back to you on Youtube (Tom Bilyeu, 2017). Goggins’ childhood was suffering; he was abused by his father, in poverty, had low self-esteem, etc. But he used the suffering to ignite his greatness and ultimately once he came out on the other side, he found his peace and happiness.
He explains in this interview, “The beauty is remembering this young dumb, what people called n*****, is now where I’m at today. And that is when you finally get to that point for me – it’s forever lasting piece. I can die right now on this show and I’m gonna be a happy man. That’s my happiness – is my reflection on the suffering of my journey, knowing that I never quit … “ (Tom Bilyeu, 2017, 49:20 mark). As Nhat Hanh and Goggins explains, it is a powerful thing to persevere through suffering, stay true to your journey, and use the suffering to your advantage and achieve fulfillment in life. That is the ultimate happiness right there.
References:
University, C. A. (2013, November 10). Conversations on Compassion with Thich Nhat Hanh. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PewRDHeh3o
Bilyeu, T. (2017, May 23). How to Make Yourself Immune to Pain | David Goggins on Impact Theory. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78I9dTB9vqM&t=2735s