*** Note this was written in June 2019 for my Life University final paper. I figured I may as well share this on a public platform because what good are the writing/thoughts if I just keep them to myself?
*** FULL Document in Download Below (66 Pages) ****
The Parenting Matrix: Intentional Reflection to Maximize Positive Mental Experiences for a Child
Introduction
I am what I am because of who we all are is the meaning of the term ubuntu (May, 2013). The term helps to explain the relational Buddhism idea that a person’s existence is interconnected with the existence of everyone else (Ayers, Boniwell, & David, 2014, p. 367). A person’s fulfillment in life is correlated with the fulfillment of other people. This idea is broadly applicable to everyone on Earth; a person is better off when another person is better off because all people are on Earth together. A person’s connection to humanity is evident. This connection only runs deeper among those with close relationships. Perhaps no other relationship is as close then one between a parent and a child. A parent’s fulfillment in life is deeply connected to the fulfillment of the child.
Positive psychology encompasses valuable concepts and exercises that can foster one’s own self-development. Though many of the concepts can be used by someone to aid in fostering the development of another person, few tools are specifically tailored to that. Self-reflecting into one’s heart and mind with the sole purpose of discovering how another person will be impacted is valuable in creating desired outcomes for that person. In this capstone project, a self-reflection tool is developed that focuses on not looking in one’s own mirror for one’s own personal gain, but looking in the mirror for one’s child’s personal gain. Due to the interconnectedness between a child’s fulfilment and a parent’s fulfillment, focusing on empowering the child’s fulfillment in achieving desired outcomes in turn strengthens the parent’s fulfillment as well. Therefore, the impact of the self-reflection is multiplied.
Psychologist Kevin Polk once designed a useful psychology tool called the ACT Matrix that helps to foster impactful self-reflection in an individual to bring clarity on behaviors to initiate and avoid (Polk, n.d.). The ACT Matrix consists of four boxes of mental or action-oriented experiences: toward mental experiences, toward senses experiences, away from mental experiences, and away from senses experiences. See Figure 1. In a training session, Dr. Polk talks through thirteen steps in explaining the matrix and how to be conscious of toward and away movements in the diagram (Polk, 2014). His work is valuable in showing how certain mental experiences influence human behavior. There is a high degree of positive psychology concepts in his matrix because it emphasizes positive mentalities, and actions to achieve desired mental states. In this paper, an adaptation of the ACT Matrix is discussed that initiates self-reflection from a parental perspective specifically. This parenting twist yields The Parenting Matrix, shown in Figure 2 on the following page.
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Brian, beautiful thoughts…unfortunately my mind went to the news image of the mother who drove her son, with his rifle,to the demonstration where he shot people.
What do you say to those of us who are horrified and frightened for the children in our society?
Being only one person, I tend to avoid the pros and cons…afraid that people often make up their minds in concrete. Over years, I’ve changed my outlook on many issues, and hope to stay open.
Thank you!
-Aunt Alma Pesiri-
Hi Aunt Alma, that’s a deep question. Obviously there are a lot more outside pressures or misinformation nowadays. I think of a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote he said over a hundred years ago – “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you is the biggest accomplishment” … With social media, the news today – it is much harder for children to remain authentic, open-minded, and have healthy self-love. So, it’s harder on parents to keep their kids authentic too. There’s so much to talk about in regards to that question. Parents just really have to instill courage, open-mindedness, all that in children. The news often makes things appear worse then they are too – especially right now.
One thing is for sure – Parents have to stay committed to empower children, and to teach them self-mastery and self-control. Not to worry about outside circumstances and not feel disempowered with all that is going on. The news is almost trying to make children feel that way, so again as a parent I just have to be conscious of there’s any negative or disempowering voices in Ace’s ears and just have to teach him to tune them out as he navigates his goals.